So...

I realize even more now that its been a REALLY long time since I blogged here. I've been updating my photography blog more often so this one has just been neglected. For a few more pictures of my new baby girl you can view that blog at http://www.cwphotographyblog.blogspot.com/.

I'll do my best to catch everyone up in the briefest way possible.

Little Miss Ava was born on August 5th, weighing 6 pounds, 3 ounces. She was 19.5 inches long and the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. I really never knew something so small could capture my heart in such a huge way. Before that moment I could not comprehend just how much of an impact this little miracle would make on my life nor did I realize how much my life would change and that I would LOVE every minute of it. I can remember what life was like before her and I can look back and see how void and empty it really was. She is my inspiration to be 100% more than I am and ever was before.

You can never appreciate or understand a mother until you are one. I know that full well now. There is nothing that I would not give to do what's best for her. There is no sacrifice too big. I'd give all that I am, all that I have to see that she is taken care of and has all she needs. Through her tiny life God is revealing so much of Himself to me. I'm slowly beginning to understand His love, His heart, His passion. I can even relate to His jealousy and the depth of knowing that jealousy is more real to me than I ever thought conceivable. I want to be the one to take care of her, to provide for her, to comfort her, to correct her, to push her towards becoming who she is to be. I want to be the one she loves, the one she smiles at, the one she laughs at, the one she tells her secrets to--her best friend. And in those same words I hear the voice of my heavenly Father echoing them back to me. "I want to be the One to take care of you, to provide for you, to comfort you, to correct you, to push you towards becoming who you are to be. I want to be the One you love, the One you smile at, the One you laugh at, the One you tell your secrets to--your Best Friend." In hearing those words my heart breaks with shame b/c I know that He has not held the place in my heart that He should for a while now. It makes me scream out for forgiveness and to pursue Him again. In the midst of difficult times since Ava was born I have sought the shelter of my own arms, my own words, my own walls. I should have run after Him. I should have fallen into HIS arms and allowed HIS words to comfort me, encourage me and help me to understand. Instead I found myself with a longer distance to run to get closer to His embrace. The fog and the haze is lifting and my vision and focus is becoming clearer. I'm looking for His face and I am seeing Him in the eyes of my daughter. Draw me closer. Closer.

Baby

As I looked back over some of my most recent blog posts, I realized that I have never posted a blog about my ultrasound, finding out the baby's sex, and what the baby's name is and all of the latest news about my baby. How terrible of me!! Although, I am quite certain that the ones who actually read this blog are already well aware of these details, I will not be satisfied until they are officially blogged. April 16, 2008 we had a routine ultrasound done. They have to check to make sure all of the organs are developing properly and that everything is on track and healthy. I was 20 weeks at the time and far enough along to determine the baby's sex if we so desired. Which we did. Let me first say that all the old wive's tales were pointing to me having a boy and I had pretty much convinced myself that I would really not find out differently. As the technician lady is looking at everything she asks if we want to know if its a boy or a girl. When we both nodded in agreement she scanned down to where the legs were and aimed for a good view between them. I was extremely disappointed b/c she did not spend a lot of time looking over that area nor pointed out anything to us to give us a clear indication of her final conclusion. Her statement was, "Well...I don't see anything hanging so I'm going to say it's a GIRL." And that was it. I began to cry. Not so much out of disappointment but in a little disappointment mixed with the emotion of my baby now has an identity...although not a name! We were just set on a boy and had that name secured and we couldn't agree on a girl name so we wanted to confirm the baby's sex first. If we needed a girl name instead, then we would diligently search after the fact. So, we walked away from our ultrasound appointment without a convinced confirmation that it was a girl. We felt like we could not confidently say, "It's a girl." We would add the tag line, "Well, at least that's what the technician says." My dilemma was that my insurance would only pay for 2 ultrasounds so I was done. If I were to have any more I would have to pay for it myself and we just didn't have the money to do that. A friend of mine mentioned a local technical college that trains ultrasound technicians and they do ultrasounds for free for training purposes. Was I ever quick to make that phone call! I would be happy if the baby was a girl but I just needed that peace of mind to know for sure. On April 24, 2008, Jordan and I went for the freebie ultrasound. The students definitely took more time b/c they were being graded on locating certain organs of the baby. We were there for 2 hours and got to watch our baby put on a show for everyone. We asked if they could confirm the sex for us and they said they would look but the teacher would have to come in and confirm what they saw. The students got a straight up view between the legs and pointed out 3 little lines for us and said that means a girl. The teacher came in and confirmed it and got another angle of the same shot and we could see 3 little humps which confirmed the girl status indefinitely. We walked out of that appointment with peace and a confident declaration, "It's a girl--for sure!" I called my mom and said, "Let the shopping for pink commence!" Jordan will have his little princess and she will have him wrapped around her finger. As for her name...I had loved this name for the longest time but Jordan just was not having it. After endless searching of baby names from A-Z I could not find anything else I loved more. Jordan could not give me a reason for not liking the name so I was really getting frustrated. He finally said to me one day, "Say it like you're talking to her." So I had to say her name as if I was literally talking to her. A couple days later he began calling her that. I asked him hopefully, "So, does this mean that is her name?" "No, I'm just trying it out." A week went by and still no definite name. Then, one afternoon, he says, "You can have that name if you want it." "Really?! You like it enough and we can call her that?" "Yes!" Hallelujah!!! So it is now official--*Ava Jordan* is her name (we'll just call her Ava). It just seems to fit now and her name means "a voice" in German and I know that she will be a voice for her creator and first love, Jesus Christ. Oh the plans that He has for her!! I can hardly wait to see them unfold! So anyway...once the girl status was confirmed the shopping began. God showed us favor at the huge indoor yard sale that we went to one Saturday morning. We were able to furnish her entire bedroom for $150! Huge changing table/dresser combo, crib, small dresser, bookcase, and a desk/shelf combo with a small chair. We have to do some touchup painting and replace knobs on everything but for $150 you couldn't have touched that anywhere else. We were so blessed and thankful! Over the course of several weekends at yard sales my mom and I have managed to fill her closet full of clothes. It's really quite ridiculous when you look at it and know that I haven't even had my first baby shower yet and she has more clothes than she will probably be able to wear! But we're always looking for a deal and a bargain and we've been blessed to find so many. We even found a bassinet that vibrates for $25! I'm loving it! I just walk in her room sometimes and get overwhelmed with picturing a real baby laying in the crib and knowing she will grow up and play in that same bedroom. It still blows my mind! But I am so looking forward to it. Just 3 months to go! Well, I know it was a long blog but I didn't realize I had so much catching up to do. I'm actually going to have another ultrasound done on June 5th just for the fun of it. We didn't get any pictures the last time we went so I plan on getting some this time. It will be amazing to see how much bigger she has gotten. She's just a roly poly lately; tumbling from one side to the other! It's an incredible experience and I am quite thankful God chose the woman to experience this. Hopefully I will stay on top of the postings....until next time!

Jordan

There's at least one time in everyone's life when someone will walk into your life and completely change your course in life...hopefully for the better. Such a moment happened for me almost seven years ago when I met the man I now call my husband. God placed him in my life at a time when I had settled in my heart to be single and live overseas on the mission field for the rest of my life. I had come to a place of peace in "knowing" marriage was not for me. God was testing my spirit to see if I would just surrender MY WILL for HIS. When He saw the sincerity of my soul, in walked the man of all my hopes, dreams, wishes and fears. Yes! I said fears. Relationships scared me-heartache and heartbreak were too comfortable in my life; trust was something earned yet seemed so unattainable. Marriage frightened me. Every young girl dreams of her wedding day, right? Well...not EVERY one. It was a far fetched dream that could never be a reality in my life. Or so I thought. Sunday, May 11th, I will celebrate the day that God brought my miracle to Earth. Twenty seven years ago when he took his first breath God betrothed him to me. It would take 23 years of my life to meet him but I would wait another 23 years if I had to just to be with this amazing man. May is a special month, not only b/c its his birthday. It's also the month he proposed and the month we married in. Five years ago on May 17th we committed ourselves to the Lord and to each other. In one moment, every dream was fulfilled and a new flood of hopes and dreams were conceived. I give God the glory b/c this relationship has been one that has surpassed anything I ever could have imagined. I want to recognize His divine hand and plan in everything that we are, everything that we do and everything that we have. Without Him, none of this would be. So, one man changed the course of my life, my plans, my thoughts, my dreams, my everything. Would I go back in time to change it? Not for anything this world has to offer. In honor of the most wonderful man to walk into my life, I want to share 27 things I love most about him for his 27 years here! These are in no particular order. Jordy:

1. I love your heart for the Lord.
2. I love your desire to serve Him in all you do.
3. I love your passion to please Him in word and deed.
4. I love your compassion--not just for souls but for humanity in general. Your heart is bigger than this world and that blows my mind.
5. I love how you love me and you're not too proud to tell me a hundred times a day.
6. I love how you tell me you think about me all day and it still gives you butterflies. And how you tell me how beautiful I am even when I'm wearing no makeup and my hair is in a ponytail.
7. I love when you make up silly songs at random times when we're together. *yes, I really do.*
8. I love when you make that annoying screech sound in the garage that deafens my ears even though I swat at you EVERY time you do it. It's just a part of you and that's why I love it.
9. I love that you will make time to study, pray and seek God's face on what's best for our family. And you will work diligently to put His plans into practice no matter how uncommon or unpopular it may be.
10. I love that you're not afraid to work hard, sweat or get blisters and calluses on your hands b/c you're not a lazy man.
11. I love the wisdom that pours out of you. I really am amazed at all you know.
12. I love when you help around the house when you know I've had a busy week or I'm not feeling well.
13. I really love when you cook dinner! :o) But I love it when we cook together even more!
14. I love how our nieces and nephews adore you b/c you're not ashamed to just be a kid with them.
15. I love how you encourage me and lift me up when I've had a bad day or going through a difficult situation.
16. I still love it when you kiss me on the top of the head and hold my hand in the car.
17. I love your excitement about becoming a daddy and having a Super Princess. And how you can hardly wait to be wrapped around her tiny finger...and her heart!
18. I love that you will be the daddy to her that I always wish I'd had.
19. I love your spirit!
20. I love how you always celebrate my birthday with the Week of Christy even though I don't return that favor to you!
21. I love how quickly you can make a decision...You ALWAYS help me make decisions when I'm shopping for myself...you ease my frustration!
22. I love that you are willing to go grocery shopping with me even though there's always something else you could and would rather be doing.
23. I love when you fill my car up with gas for me and will even make a special trip just to do it!
24. I love how you see the best in me when I can't.
25. I love knowing that you pray for me and that you sacrifice so much for me. You really do.
26. I love the security and stability that you are in my life. Knowing you will always come home to me brings more peace in my life than you realize.
27. I love you b/c you are YOU. You were knit together in your mother's womb just for me. Even though that is just a fraction of your purpose, you light me up inside.

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary! I look forward to all that lays ahead. I love you more today than a thousand yesterdays combined!

*iloveyousomuch*

What About Now?

Last night I watched Idol Gives Back. I'm not really sure it was a good time to watch a program of that emotional magnitude considering I seemed to be having an emotional day anyway. It must be a pregnant thing! :o} I guess it all started with a phone call from Jordy. He spent the day in Selma yesterday to take his grandmother, JoJo, to the doctor. I had talked to him around lunch time and he said he planned to leave Selma around 2pm b/c he wanted to be home around 4pm to work on the message for Thursday night. I had tried to call him on my way home to see how close to home he was but I went straight to voicemail every time. I was very tired so I laid down on the couch when I got home around 4:30pm. Jordan still was not home. My cell phone battery was dying so I put it on vibrate so it wouldn't beep constantly and I could rest in silence. I had gotten a couple of calls but none of them were Jordy so I just ignored them and went back to napping. Around 6pm Jordan finally called. He was just leaving Selma...which means it would be 8pm before he got home. I was a little disappointed that he would not be home sooner but I was also disappointed that I couldn't get in touch with him earlier to know that he was still ok and had not left yet. He began to tell me that JoJo was not doing well at all and that she just talked to him for so long that he couldn't leave. She made him take her all over Selma to see different sites there and they just spent some time together. Jordan said, "This may be the last time I ever get to do anything like this with her again." That was such a weighty statement on my already emotional feelings and then I felt somewhat guilty for being upset at all. Jordan kept apologizing to me but he really had done nothing to upset me. When we got off the phone with each other tears began to roll down my cheeks but I still really didn't know why. Jordan called me right back and then we were in another discussion about me crying and he was apologizing even though he had no reason to be apologizing. I was just having some really weird emotions going on. I said all of that to brief you on my real intention for this blog post: I'm watching all of these video clips of some extremely destitute situations here in the United States and Africa on Idol Gives Back. I'm immediately overwhelmed with a sense of sadness for the people directly affected by these circumstances. I have always had a very compassionate heart for those in need and seeing these videos just caused that heart of mine to expand even more. Since having spent time in Africa myself and being able to understand the poverty these people live in I am always touched and moved by any humanitarian work that takes place there. The last clip they show is when the group Daughtry went to Uganda. If all of the other videos were not enough, Daughtry had to go to the very country that has my heart because that is the country I have been to on 3 different occasions. The song they are singing is "What About Now" and video clips of the children are flashing on the screen and clips of the guys from Daughtry interacting with them. This resulted in a flood of tears falling from my eyes now. I am now done for. Jordan kneels down beside me to ask me what's wrong and is just concerned about me. I couldn't answer anything. In a moment like that I just want to soak up that feeling and emotion that is coursing through my body. I could not decipher it then. I'd have to ponder those thoughts and feelings before I could explain them. Here they are: If you read some previous posts you will see that I've been in a state lately that I feel as though every day is a day without purpose. I feel that the monotany of my every day life is not impacting or changing anything around me. I get up at the same time every morning. I go to the same job and do the same thing I've done for the last 10 1/2 years. My job is not a humanitarian project that leaves me feeling fulfilled and accomplished at the end of the day. In watching all of those videos I was transported to the memories I have of really making a difference and watching a life being touched before my very eyes. I reflected on a children's summer camp in St. Petersburg, Russia. Doing arts and crafts with the children and playing volleyball. I remembered my little twin Masha, with her long blonde hair and hungry blue eyes. She was attached to my hip every day and I just loved on her and spent time with her. I reminisced about Vacation Bible School in Belize. Hearing chants of "Miss, miss. Can you help me with my bracelet?" Singing "My Father's House" while all the kids danced around. Carrying kids around on piggy back at least 1500 times but you just couldn't tell them no so you'd do just one more. Going to bed at night thinking there's no way you'd be able to move the next morning. I traveled back in time to each Uganda trip where God would move in different ways under different circumstances. My heart breaking every time a child would hand me a letter that would bear the same information: My mom and dad have died from AIDS and I am orphaned. I need money for school fees. Secretly wishing for all of the money in the world to rain down from heaven to supply every need for every child. Walking away wondering, "how do we help them all?" I guess to sum it all up, watching Daughtry's video reminded me of the time when I felt like my life made a difference. I feel that I am not living a life that makes a difference on a daily basis and that upsets me and it makes me long for that. It redirected my focus on what really matters in life and what's most important. It's not the things I own: the new house we built, the new cars we drive, the latest fashion trends or the coolest vacation spot. It's reaching out to change the life of another in a positive way and most importantly sharing Jesus with them so they can have the hope of an eternal life in Heaven. That's the difference I want to make. Sometimes I may waver from that direction but I know that its my destiny and purpose in life so God will always take his staff and pull me gently back to the right thing. When will we make a difference? When will we start to make our lives count? What about now?!

Test Time

I don't really know anyone who enjoys taking tests. When I was in high school I always did better if I crammed for the test right before class. Everything was fresh on my mind and I could remember answers much easier. So you can imagine my displeasure if I walked into class to find out we were having a Pop Quiz! The fear and panic that would overcome me would make my stomach draw up in knots. I hated them! I would be on pins and needles until I found out my grade. Oh, I can remember those days so easily! I can honestly say this today though...tests in high school were much easier than the tests God will put you through to develop your character and to make you everything He wants you to be. I had a Pop Quiz this week at work. I wasn't prepared...but I should have been. That's what happens when you haven't spent a lot of time "studying" like you should...do you know what I mean?! You just can't cram for a God test! You pass those tests by spending a lot of time in His Word and learning Who He is. I didn't fail my test but I don't think I made a very good grade...not the grade I would have liked. I'd say I passed with a C+. To begin with I didn't respond the way I should have. But I think I scored high on the bonus question at the end: What did you learn from this test? I learned that even if I am right and I am being punished unjustly while those around me are the ones in the wrong, I should not lash back out. I learned that any attack against me is not a physical attack but a spiritual attack. The Bible says that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the principalities of darkness." The people who are involved were just puppets on the devil's strings that he used to strike out against me. I also learned that I cannot justify retaliation when My Lord and Savior was silent before His accusers. He was crucified yet did no wrong. I have now shared in His suffering. I can now relate a little more to the weight my Savior carried. Yet I've not even scratched the surface of the real pain He suffered or the heartbreak He felt...that even I was to blame for. Though I was hurt, angry and upset, I was not innocent. But Jesus was. Through the revelation He gave me just today, the burden and weight I carried has been lifted. My attitude has changed. And through that, even the very atmosphere that I have struggled to endure is not the same. The ones who attacked are now cordial and even speaking to me again. I know and believe the shift came about with the simple revelation He gave me and the change in myself and my attitude. It's difficult to learn these lessons the hard way. But if He can find me faithful to the end regardless of what I must suffer, endure or go through, then I will have passed! That is my heart's desire: to be found faithful and that lives would be changed in the process. Father, I thank You for loving me enough to chastise me when I was in the wrong. Thank You for revealing the meaning behind this test and opening my eyes to the spiritual side. Thank You Father that You still find me worthy enough to break me to pieces and throw me in the fire again until You can see a spotless reflection in me. Your love never fails to amaze me. I love You!

Dying

Live for You by Connersvine All that is within me, cries out to You, My Lord, My God and King For You alone can cleanse me and set me free (chorus) I want to live for you...I want to die to me...I want to be empitied...I want to be freed...From all that holds me capitve...all that brings me down...All that's tried to lose me...Now that I've been found...I want to live for You. Here in this hour, Leaning on Your mercy, Your throne of grace; You are all I am after, the beauty of Your face; (bridge) All I am, broken on the ground...In Your hands, Knowing You surround me Lord; Father, now I know that I am Yours A Time to Die by Connersvine Here I am alone again; the rise and fall against the wind; Alive I'll be the last to carry on. I see the writing on the wall, For every dream to crash and fall, And tremble like the darkness at the dawn. (chorus) This is the time to die...This is the time to separate...This is the time to celebrate...Leaving this world behind; the time to die; The waters have risen high again...And all of my idols tremble in the wake of Your love divine So raise me from my bended knees, Who bow to things that cannot see, And lift me to a place where I stand, Replace my heart and all I lack, And place the wood upon my back; The cross of my dear Lover, Savior, Friend So take my dreams and take my wealth; And all betrayal You have felt, Take them as a tool for sacrifice; To work, to kill or even still, Your kingdom dreams to fulfill, Today this altar is my stage for life. First of all, if you have not heard of these guys (Connersvine) or you do not have their CD, I strongly encourage you to get it. It is an amazing and awesome CD! Here's a link to their Myspace page: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=64484632 These two songs explain a lot about where I am in my life right now...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. it comes after a short season of silence, questions, doubts and uncertainties in my own personal walk with the Lord. When my breakthrough came so did the battle and attacks. I was naive to think they would lie dormant and full of faith to think they would not get the best of me. Thankfully, they only succeeded in revealing more of the me that I've grown to dislike and even despise. The selfish part of me that rears its ugly head more often than I desire. The part of me I fight to place on the altar. The part of me that regresses two steps with every step I take forward. The part of me that struggles for status and prestige against humility. That's the inward battle that came to light in the midst of a "physical" battle on my job. Although I feel I have been treated unfairly and injustice fills my work environment, I know in Whom I have believed. I know that although there are many times I disappoint Him, He is still my Constant and the ONLY One in Whom I can fully trust and rely on. He is my Judge and my Defense. Without a doubt, there is NOTHING that can separate me from His love. nothing I say or do can ever change that. Though others speak all manner of evil against me I will NOT be shaken or moved from my faith. I refuse to GIVE the devil my joy or my hope and desire for more of Christ and less of me. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and I refuse to be his victim. "Greater is He that's within me than he that is in this world." May this serve as a reminder to him and every pawn he uses that he has no power, authority or dominion over my life. I am victorious through Christ and I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me. So, my prayer shall continue to be: "Less of me and more of You. No matter the injustice that surrounds me, may I still be found faithful in Your sight. May this flesh burn on Your altar unitl You see a perfect reflection of all you are within me." *~Burning~*

Still here...

Although I'm convinced that my co-worker, Kim, is the only one who reads this blog, she enjoys reading it even though she's well aware of what goes on in my life on a daily basis! If for no one but her, I shall continue to blog! ;O) I had another doctor appointment yesterday. When Dr. Straughn walked in the room she asked, "So, are you feeling pregnant yet?" My reply was, "No, not really!" I was fortunate, praise the Lord, to go through my first trimester free of all the morning sickness. Most days I had to remind myself that I was pregnant because my body showed me very little promising signs. Even though my clothes are feeling more snug, I still do not have the "obvious" baby bump...it's just a bulge! I also, have not felt any movement yet so I continue to remind myself that I am pregnant and everything is fine. Back to my appointment: I lay back on the table and lift my shirt up. She squirts that yummy jelly stuff on my tummy (ha!) and moves the doppler around trying to find a heartbeat. She moves it in several places with no detection of a heartbeat and I begin to feel nervous. She says, "Honory little thing. Must be a boy!" We both chuckled and I replied with, "I hope so. We don't have a little girl name yet so a boy would make things much easier right now." She managed to find the heartbeat soon after that and it was in the 150's this time. My last appt. it was in the 160's so it has slowly decreased every month. While we're listening we hear this "thump" sound. Dr. Straughn says, "That's the baby moving." The baby was pretty active b/c she'd have the heartbeat coming through the doppler and then you'd hear the thump and she'd have to find the heartbeat again. It was so amazing to hear the baby moving b/c I cannot feel it yet. I was relieved to hear the life inside! Although it may sound strange to say this, but, this all still feels so surreal. I still cannot fathom that this is really happening to ME. I feel so blessed and honored and yet in the midst of those wonderful feelings I cannot help but feel overwhelmed and nervous. I'm sure these are all normal emotions for a first time mother-to-be so that brings me relief. Jordan was disappointed that he was not able to be there with me to hear the movement. I will have an ultrasound done next month and we will get to find out for sure what the baby is! That is the moment that we have both been anxiously awaiting! I'm just so ready for my baby to have an official identity now. We can call the baby by the name that we have chosen (which, if its a girl may still be a while!) and can begin to work on furnishing and decorating the right room! We are excited about that! Jordan said that he's just ready to hold our baby in his arms and he believes that this baby will bring a new joy into our lives that we have been missing lately. Just 5 more months to go! Another new and exciting thing in my life right now is this:

My brand new digital SLR came in yesterday and I could not be more thrilled! I can start taking more pictures now without a concern of film and processing fees. I love that! I also have some news about my own photography business. This is a new endeavor for me and I'm really excited about it. I am officially launching:

[cw] photography

I am booking appointments now, so if you're interested in having any type of portraits done please feel free to contact me. My photography email address is christywphoto@yahoo.com. I will have a website coming soon! Jordan and I are going to spend this weekend in Atlanta for a much needed getaway! We are going to spend all day Saturday at Stone Mountain. I am looking forward to this in a big way! The weather is going to be beautiful and I am thankful that Spring is finally here. It's one of my most favorite times of the year. I love seeing everything spring back to life after a dead, cold and dreary winter. Everything is so bright and colorful and so full of vitality. I think such weather and surroundings also boosts our individual moods too. I feel happier each day being able to walk in the warm sun and cool breeze. These are the times that I wish I could be outside from the time the sun comes up till it sets. I just love it! I hope everyone enjoys their own beautiful weekend and may everyone reflect on the greatest sacrifice ever made: the death and Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ! He is worthy to be praised and remembered not just this weekend but every day of the year! *Love*

So its been a while...

And its been such a slow, boring day at work that I've been playing Sudoku most of the day. Suddenly, Kim has this bright idea that I should write in my blog. Yes! Great idea, Kim! I'm sorry to have kept anyone from wondering if I'd ever blog again but here's the latest news from my corner. I hope you enjoy. So, I had my first ultrasound on January 23rd. There is only one baby according to the ultrasound. There are some who are still in disagreement with that but as of right now that is all they saw. Everything looked normal and at the time the baby was measuring to be approximately 8 weeks and my official due date is September 1st. Today I am 10 weeks and still feeling fine. No morning sickness at all and I am very thankful for that. The baby's heartbeat was extremely fast (173.88 bpm). Of course, I cried when I heard that first sound of life beating! The technician said that she could guess the baby's sex by the heartbeat and she guesses the baby to be a boy. But some have said the faster heartbeats are for girls so I don't think anyone really knows. My next ultrasound will be at 20 weeks; around the middle of April. I will be able to find out the baby's sex at that time and will be able to see who's right and who's not. hee hee! I have always wanted a little boy first but as all pregnant women would say, I just want them to be healthy. Jordan, naturally, wants a little girl. He wants a Daddy's girl really bad. Time will tell. It amazes me to know that the baby's sex was determined as soon as the sperm met the egg. My baby's identity has already been created but its still a mystery to me. The Lord is knitting my baby together day by day until he or she takes their first breath that God breathes into his/her lungs. I have heard the time flies by but I feel like its gone by so slowly thus far. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that this is my first so I am constantly keeping track of every minute detail which just seems to make the time drag. When I put it in the context of "I can find out the baby's sex in just 2 months" it doesn't seem so long! How am I doing physically? The last 3 or 4 weeks were quite draining. I would get tired and fatigued quite often throughout the day. I have noticed that slacking off this week and I'm able to function better. I do have to eat something as soon as I get up in the morning so that I do not feel so weak after I get out of the shower. My appetite has greatly increased and I hope its all due to the baby. I feel like I eat all the time and that I hardly ever seem to feel really full. I am trying to eat good snacks and not just junk food. I keep a lot of fruit on hand for my munchies. I'm sure that I've gained a sufficient amount of weight but I haven't outgrown my clothes yet. My pants are getting a little more snug and uncomfortable but I haven't officially made any transition just yet. I can see the difference in certain areas that others cannot see (fortunately--trust me!!)! I'm really ready to actually look pregnant and not just appear to be packing on some pounds...if you know what I mean! :O) I want to take this opportunity to say how wonderful my mother is! She has decided to buy me a pack of diapers every week between now and the time the baby gets here. Can I just say what an awesome blessing that is?! I know that will prove to be a major money saver for me later. I'm very excited about it. She bought me some of the Pampers swaddlers. I couldn't resist pulling one diaper out of the pack just to look at. It still blows my mind to think that in just about 7 months I will be holding my own little one. This is definitely a dream that I really never imagined would be true in my own life. I can say that I don't think I could want anything more. And I also don't believe there could have been a more perfect time for God to bless our lives with such a miracle. I'm still amazed. I'm still overwhelmed. And I am still very excited! I also want to say that if you are keeping up with my blogs just post a little comment for me to read. I would love to know who's visiting this little blogspot from time to time. It would really make me smile in a big kind of way! =) I LOVE YOU!!

It's surreal...

On December 29th I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I took the test simply to put my mind at ease that I was NOT pregnant and that I missed my cycle just b/c I had been so stressed recently. As that 2nd little line started popping up (quite clearly) I was in disbelief. "Surely not," I thought to myself. It was around 6:30 in the morning and Jordan was still in bed. I had started crying when the realization of the very defined line hit me...it was a good cry, an overwhelmed cry. I walked over by the bed and said, "Babe?" He peaked his head out from under the covers and asked what was wrong. He said he tried to think if he'd heard the phone ring or if something bad had happened. When he saw the test in my hand he said, "You're pregnant?!" I couldn't even speak. I just nodded. He grinned from ear to ear and pulled the covers back for me to get back in bed. I laid down and all I could say was, "Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!" I was completely overwhelmed of the reality of what was taking place. We had not been trying to have a baby but we had stopped trying not to and just left it in God's hands. When He felt it was time it would all happen. It was His time...sooner than I had expected it to be but I'm still elated! We had our first doctor appointment yesterday and the doctor confirmed that I am pregnant...I was relieved that so many symptoms were not just in my head! :O) I am about 6 weeks along. We have our first ultrasound on January 23rd. We both really want twins so we're believing that we will see 2 when they do the ultrasound. Last night I even dreamed I was hearing 2 heartbeats. Everyone has said that we would be the one to have twins and we have excitedly accepted that! We will know indefinitely on the 23rd! Even now it all just seems so surreal. Like a fairytale. I was the young girl who thought she'd never get married. I was the girl who wanted hundreds of children but never thought I'd really ever have them. To know that I do actually have life growing inside me really just blows my mind and I am in awe and wonder at God's whole design of creating these lives within me. They are already little warriors for God and we will speak into and over their lives every day. They are fearfully and wonderfully made! I can hardly wait to see them for the first time. So this year has already been amazing for us. We have moved into our new house and we will fill it up sooner than we expected to! God is so awesome and His timing is so perfect. We wait with anticipation and expectation for our little miracles to arrive!!! WOW!

So...

I really didn't have a very good day yesterday. I basically had an emotional breakdown from a combination of just EVERYTHING going on in my life right now....frustrations, stress, exhaustion (physical and emotional), and holiday. Everything just kinda piled up yesterday and I just had to cry...so I did...all day! I'm so thankful to have a very understanding and patient husband who would put up with me when I get like that. And especially thankful to have such awesome friends who always have an ear to listen and words of encouragement to try to lift my mood (Kim & Kayla). I am probably MOST grateful for a God who will love me despite me. Even though I had a pity party yesterday I know that He was there loving me through every bit of it and reassuring me that tomorrow would be a new day and that His mercies are new EVERY morning. So, I am MUCH better today, Praise the Lord!!! Jordan and I took a MUCH NEEDED night off last night. We didn't work in the house, didn't go anywhere. We nestled down in the recliners and watched a little bit of TV, had dinner and went to bed early (8pm)! It was so NICE!! So I have a fresh start today and I'm re-energized to tackle what must be tackled today. Work in the house this afternoon with a clear mind and a little more excitement that we are yet again ONE DAY CLOSER to moving in. Hopefully, the plumber will be by there today to fix our plumbing leak and we can turn the water on. I'm refusing to have a prospective MOVE IN date since every one we set never progresses. We'll move in when we're finished and we'll move in when God's ready for us to move in. We have 7 days till Christmas!!! I will be one of the lunatics out there on Christmas Eve trying to buy for the few I need to buy for. I wish I could buy for everyone in my circle of familiy and friends...one day I will! With all of the construction going on right now I really have not had a chance to just really enjoy the excitement and thrill of Christmas this year. It has basically been an afterthought thus far b/c the house has consumed my thoughts. But I want to take this opportunity to recognize the Reason for this CHRISTmas season: the birth of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. With all of this garbage about changing the name of CHRISTmas to Holiday b/c it may offend some, go ahead. But it will still never change the fact that CHRIST is the Reason for CHRISTmas! And NO ONE can stop me from wishing ANYONE a Merry CHRISTMAS!!! Nope, no one! And for anyone that is bothered by that statement, let me take you to a 3rd world country where there are far MORE issues to be more concerned about. To you, I say: GET OVER IT & MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! This blog sends love to all of my family and friends who do happen to read this. May you have a tremendously blessed CHRISTmas with your loved ones and may this new year truly be a year of new beginnings in every area of your life! With love, Me :O)

Faith

Last Sunday morning, December 2nd, I had a greater revelation of faith through a message preached by Pastor Jentezen Franklin. I cannot list everything from his message in detail but I wanted to share an overview of what I received. This may seem elementary, but for some reason, that morning, it was Rhema Word for me. It was just one verse. A verse that I've been familiar with for years. But that morning, God dropped it in my spirit and I understood it even more. Hebrews 11:6 And WITHOUT faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. For the majority of my life I have always prayed "God may my life be pleasing to You. I just want to please You and I want to know that I am doing what You want me to do." The desire of my heart was to please my Father. So everyday I would strive to do the right things, be a good example to others, obey authority, do everything "as unto the Lord." I felt that DOING things that were good and right would please Him. But I can DO all the right things and be faced with a tough situation and allow that situation to seem hopeless to me, and I can lack the faith to believe that God can still handle it and work it out and I would have failed in pleasing God despite my good deed b/c I lacked the faith to believe HIM. His Word IS true! Matthew 19:26 With God ALL things ARE POSSIBLE!!! There is NOTHING too big for God! Pastor Franklin also spoke on when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into the fiery furnace. He made note of the fact that when the King had the guards turn the furnace up 7 times hotter that when the guards opened the door to the furnace they were burned and died. The devil will place people in front of you who have faced the same situations you're in and been through the same things you may be going through and they're situations did not turn out well. The devil does that to steer your faith and cause your faith to be questioned and to fail. But make note of the fact that when the King looked into the furnace there were 4 men WALKING around in the fire. You see, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did not just sit down in the middle of their trial. They WALKED BY FAITH right in the middle of it! So despite the fact that others may have gone through the same situation you're in and their situation did not turn out in a positive aspect, DO NOT allow the enemy to use that in your life to cause you to doubt what God CAN do. Just have FAITH! Another thing to note in Hebrew 6:11: It says that God is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him. Pastor Franklin mentioned this and I will agree that I, too, had the same misconception. But this verse just says that God will reward those who earnestly seek Him...it does not say that you have to find Him in order to be rewarded. If we will just make a conscious effort on a daily basis to SEEK HIM then He will reward us. Reward us with what? I believe He will simply reward us with what we NEED each day. His Word also says that if we seek Him we WILL find Him! How can we possibly lose anything if we just seek Him? One, He will reward us. Two, we will find Him. I can only see us gaining in this scenario. My prayer now is, "God increase my faith because I want to please you! You are God and there is NOTHING impossible with You. I have surrendered my life into Your Hands and I trust You completely with it. Increase my faith." I have been a witness to miracles, signs and wonders and I know that God can heal, set free and deliver His children. He holds my life in His hands and EVERYTHING that happens is b/c He has allowed it to happen for some reason. I just have to trust Him to order my steps b/c He said He would. God is so Awesome!!!! Put your faith in Him today!!!!

House pictures

I just wanted to post some recent pictures of the house. This last picture to the left is the view from the front door. The hardwoods are already laid up to the place where the arches meet. We should finish laying the hardwoods in the living room tonight and the spare bedrooms tomorrow. Then the flooring is finished...we just have to lay the baseboards! The plan is to be moving in next weekend!!! Hallelujah!!!

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is the one day a year that is set aside to actually give Thanks for our many blessings. It's really kind of sad that we designate just one day to give thanks when we should all give thanks on a daily basis. I recognize more and more that EVERY day is a blessing from God and that without Him we would not even be here. The Bible says that IN HIM, we live and move and have our being. I believe that Scripture to be very much true! My new goal is to really take on an attitude of gratitude and live every day with a thankful heart for ALL that God has given me and ALL that He has done IN my life. He has done SO MUCH for me this year. Let me list just a few things:

• I was blessed with the opportunity to go back to Uganda twice this year and witness miracles, signs and wonders!
• We were able to sell our house.
• God told us He would build us a house and that is exactly what He has done.
• God brought my dad home from Louisiana and he and my two brothers were the instruments God used to build my house.
• I will be moving into my new house before Christmas and it really is a beautiful home that I know was built out of love. My two Daddy's built my house for me.
• I have been in excellent health this year.
• I have had food on my table and a roof over my head and I am thankful for that b/c I know that there are so many people in this world that do not have such things.
• I have a job that I enjoying being at (most days! LOL)
• I witnessed God's hand in the healing and renewing of my favorite supervisor who is like another mother to me!
• I was able to buy a brand new car this year.
• I am blessed with so many wonderful friends!
• I am EXTREMELY blessed with a WONDERFUL family that LOVES me and would do anything for me.

I would love for everyone who reads this to just take a short amount of time to reflect on all that God has done for you this year and just send up praises to Him. He is so WORTHY of them!

I pray that your Thanksgiving is blessed and that you all have a wonderful and safe time visiting all of your family and loved ones. Don't eat too much...but savor all that you do! :O)

I love you all so very much!!!!

P.S. Tomorrow is also my birthday~just one more thing to be thankful for...well you should be thankful for me at least!!!! LOL Just kidding! Muah!

Pictures from London & Uganda

My Child

My Child, Not only can I hear you, but I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1) I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2) I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3) Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31) For you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27) In Me, you live and move and have your eing. (Acts 17:27-28) For you are My offspring. (Acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you, when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book. (Psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth, and where you would live. (Acts 17:26) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13) And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6) I have been misrepresented by those who don't know Me. (John 8:41, 42, 44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) And it is My desire to lavish My love on you. Simply because you are My child, and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11) For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48) Every good gift that you receive, comes from My hand. (James 1:17) For I am your provider, and I meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18) And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40) For you are My treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5) I desire to establish you with all My heart, and all My soul. (Jeremiah 32:41) Adn I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3) If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4) For it is I, who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21) For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) And nothing will ever seaparte you from My love again. (Romans 8:38-39) I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15) Love, Your Heavenly Father

Uganda October 2007

On both of my previous trips to Uganda I went with great expectations of creative miracles, signs and wonders, such as, limbs growing back or the dead being raised. Maybe because of all that was going on in my life before we left for this trip I really did not have a lot of time to think about it in terms of gathering any preconceived ideas of what would take place. Honestly, I did not have any feelings whatsoever. It was very unusual for me and I was concerned and disturbed by it. I am glad that I did not have such expectations because I was not disappointed by what took place. I was in awe at the children as in times past but they did not consume my thoughts or my emotions. What I was in awe of was God in the little things. I noticed God in the smaller moments: I witnessed courtesy to our bus drivers that led one to a hunger for salvation. I watched a sinner being led to repentance inside a mini-bus in the middle of the Kampala jam. I, then, remembered how we never would have had that moment if a mini-bus we were riding to the crusade in had not broken down which caused us to swap buses on the side of the street. I saw God’s hand in that. I recognized God’s love for Michael that He would cause all of those events to take place just so Michael could be born again. I noticed the true importance of a Father/Son relationship and how it is longed for by so many when the tears fell from Michael’s cheek as Pastor called him his new son. I witnessed the salvation of hundreds of lost souls which is the greatest miracle of all. I was touched by the tears streaming down faces as they repeated the sinner’s prayer. I could almost see the angels peering down from Heaven and counting them one by one, then turning around to start the jubilant celebration. I saw the Gospel message, the Great Commission, manifested as every newborn soul was jotted down and would become a part of the discipleship program and taught the Truth. They will grow in the wisdom and knowledge of Jesus Christ. I was humbled by messages that were preached because they were as much for me and my situations here as it was for the people of Uganda. Jesus is no respecter of persons and I am truly blessed that God spoke to me as He spoke to others. If we would strive to have a teachable spirit and open our hearts to receive what the Lord is speaking we would be so much stronger spiritually than we are. Though we came to minister and bless these people, I, in turn, was ministered to and blessed; maybe even more so than they. My heart leapt as a little boy was thanking God for sending an angel to chase a demon away from him and acknowledging God as the provider of a sponsor for his school fees. I was humbled to see the generosity towards a waitress who was saving all of her tip money in order to buy a new mattress. I watched as God’s hand outstretched to give her the last 10,000 shillings (which is about $6.67) she needed to finish her purchase. I saw the heart of God in the humble servant hood of Damalie as she carried Bibles and escorted Ms. Wanda to our mini-bus every day. Not only did she have a humble spirit but also a sacrificial spirit. She does not have much but she gave each of us ladies a beautiful beaded necklace; a modern day widow’s mite. I experienced the magnitude of a touch and a hug as the children pressed all around just for one hand shake and one squeeze. One little boy even sat on the end of the bench I sat on one night but inched his way over to the point of being right under me. I spent the rest of the night with one arm around him and he just nuzzled right up to me and loved every second of it. I remembered feeling like the Pied Piper as I looked on either side of me and behind me to see that I was surrounded by children whose faces lit up when I acknowledged their presence. I saw the impact of a prayer for a little boy who was having nightmares as tears streamed down his cheeks. We have no idea what they go home to and the demonic forces are very real and tangible there. But I believe that God is raising up a new generation of young warriors. They will never forget our visits and they will never forget the message we brought. They will know Jesus and all that He can do for them. I also witnessed Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, in action as He directed us from an unsafe hotel into a sheltering place that was far more comfortable and welcoming than the other. I witnessed a group of people with a determined heart and mind to do whatever it took and whatever it cost to make everything work out because every soul was worth it. God stretched the finances of each of us just in order to meet our needs and the needs of the people in Uganda. A new ministry was established in the city center. It will grow and spread throughout Kampala, throughout Uganda, and throughout Africa. I played just one small part in it by being in its attendance. So what I leave from Uganda with this time is that God doesn’t always have to do something big because He is ALWAYS in the little things. I know it seems so elementary but its importance is no less. Did I see something this time that I never have before? Most definitely! And it was probably the greatest thing I could have seen. I saw the little things. And I saw that God loves us so much that He probably pays more attention to the small things than we realize. It’s in those small things that birth out large things. The small things must take place before anything large can because the large things are just a combination of the smaller things working together. As I wrote that on the airplane God even revealed to me the importance of that within the church body. We are eagerly looking for the big things of God to take place but they will not come until all of the smaller parts and things are working together, unified. It won’t take much to work together for something big but think how much greater that big could be if more small things would pull together! My prayer is that God will reveal to each of you the importance of the small things in your life and in our church and that it would so overwhelm each of us that it pushes us into a unified action. For His glory and His renown!!!

Uganda again

So, one week from tomorrow Jordan and I will embark on another journey to Africa for a mission trip. I am excited yet nervous about this trip. I'm nervous b/c I have so much going on here at home that I haven't had time to really prepare for this trip...in terms of packing and getting all of my travel stuff organized. That means that I will be going crazy by next week if I don't get some of it accomplished before then. Monday and Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat and I decided I would go ahead and go to the doctor to get a shot in hopes of knocking out whatever is trying to plaque my body. I will not be sick and miserable on my trip next week. So I make an appointment yesterday and go see the doctor. The nurse lady comes in and asks for my symptoms and she writes them down in my chart as I call them out one by one. I proceed to tell her that I am going out of the country next week and will take a shot or whatever I need to get better. She asks where I'm going and when I told her Uganda she says, "Must be for a mission trip b/c that doesn't sound like a place you'd like to go on vacation." I confirmed her assumption and she left. The doctor comes in and I give him the whole spill again (why does the nurse ask for our symptoms only for the doctor to come in behind her and ask for them all over again?)! I tell him that I'm going out of the country next week and I am very open to him giving me a shot. He agrees and sends the nurse in to inject me. The nurse is rubbing the little alcohol swab on my arm and she asks me, "are you going over there to feed them or to preach?" I reply, "to preach." She very matter of factly says, "I'm sorry but I believe that's just a waste of time." At that reply I am basically caught a little off guard and shocked that she would say that to me. So I reply back with "Really?!" "Yes," she replies, "I just feel there are a lot of people over here that need help." I then inform her, "Well, we do help a lot of people over here too. Our church ministry has helped a lot of people over the past several years. We happen to have a contact in Uganda who sets up crusades for us there and that's why we go over there. But we do still help here too. We just do both." I'm spitting out all of this info as she's closing the door and just has that "whatever" kind of look on her face. Now I'm mad! I do not like confrontation at all and I do not like disagreements. Whenever I encounter those things I tend to get emotional. I can feel my neck start burning and the nerves are pulsating up and down my weak legs. Doctor, can you please hurry and bring my prescription in here so I can leave? What I would have liked to have said to her is the following: "Are you upset at the fact that we're going over there to preach and not to feed them? Is it better that they die and spend an eternity in hell so long as they had a full belly before they did. Or is it better for them to miss a meal here only to spend an eternity in Heaven b/c they heard the Gospel message and Jesus Christ saved their soul? Not saying that I'm not in favor of feeding them b/c I strongly believe that they will not care what you know until they know how much you care. But we are not going to an area where there is an immense lack of food nor high malnutrition. And if you strongly believe that there are people over here that need help and that seems to be a concern of yours then why don't YOU help them? Or are you upset that we're going over there to preach when there are plenty of people here who need to be preached to? Well, can I just remind you that there is basically a church on every corner here in the United States and we have the freedom of choice to attend any church we so desire. So if people here needed to be preached to but they fail to get off their duffs and go to church then should you condemn me for being called by God to travel 10,000 miles away to preach to a people who are hungry for the Word of God and cannot get enough of Him? Forgive me for being a little perturbed at the ignorance of some people. You do what your convictions tell you to do and let me do what I feel God is calling me to do. Jesus said to go into Samaria, Judea and all parts of the world preaching the Gospel. Well, we're here in our community preaching and we're reaching out to the world too. Who are YOU to judge and condemn me? God is my judge and I believe He is more pleased with those who obey His commandments than those who condemn others for doing His commandments and who sit idly by waiting for someone ELSE to reach out and make a difference. So, I just needed a moment to vent that out! God have mercy on the ignorant and open their understanding.