What About Now?

Last night I watched Idol Gives Back. I'm not really sure it was a good time to watch a program of that emotional magnitude considering I seemed to be having an emotional day anyway. It must be a pregnant thing! :o} I guess it all started with a phone call from Jordy. He spent the day in Selma yesterday to take his grandmother, JoJo, to the doctor. I had talked to him around lunch time and he said he planned to leave Selma around 2pm b/c he wanted to be home around 4pm to work on the message for Thursday night. I had tried to call him on my way home to see how close to home he was but I went straight to voicemail every time. I was very tired so I laid down on the couch when I got home around 4:30pm. Jordan still was not home. My cell phone battery was dying so I put it on vibrate so it wouldn't beep constantly and I could rest in silence. I had gotten a couple of calls but none of them were Jordy so I just ignored them and went back to napping. Around 6pm Jordan finally called. He was just leaving Selma...which means it would be 8pm before he got home. I was a little disappointed that he would not be home sooner but I was also disappointed that I couldn't get in touch with him earlier to know that he was still ok and had not left yet. He began to tell me that JoJo was not doing well at all and that she just talked to him for so long that he couldn't leave. She made him take her all over Selma to see different sites there and they just spent some time together. Jordan said, "This may be the last time I ever get to do anything like this with her again." That was such a weighty statement on my already emotional feelings and then I felt somewhat guilty for being upset at all. Jordan kept apologizing to me but he really had done nothing to upset me. When we got off the phone with each other tears began to roll down my cheeks but I still really didn't know why. Jordan called me right back and then we were in another discussion about me crying and he was apologizing even though he had no reason to be apologizing. I was just having some really weird emotions going on. I said all of that to brief you on my real intention for this blog post: I'm watching all of these video clips of some extremely destitute situations here in the United States and Africa on Idol Gives Back. I'm immediately overwhelmed with a sense of sadness for the people directly affected by these circumstances. I have always had a very compassionate heart for those in need and seeing these videos just caused that heart of mine to expand even more. Since having spent time in Africa myself and being able to understand the poverty these people live in I am always touched and moved by any humanitarian work that takes place there. The last clip they show is when the group Daughtry went to Uganda. If all of the other videos were not enough, Daughtry had to go to the very country that has my heart because that is the country I have been to on 3 different occasions. The song they are singing is "What About Now" and video clips of the children are flashing on the screen and clips of the guys from Daughtry interacting with them. This resulted in a flood of tears falling from my eyes now. I am now done for. Jordan kneels down beside me to ask me what's wrong and is just concerned about me. I couldn't answer anything. In a moment like that I just want to soak up that feeling and emotion that is coursing through my body. I could not decipher it then. I'd have to ponder those thoughts and feelings before I could explain them. Here they are: If you read some previous posts you will see that I've been in a state lately that I feel as though every day is a day without purpose. I feel that the monotany of my every day life is not impacting or changing anything around me. I get up at the same time every morning. I go to the same job and do the same thing I've done for the last 10 1/2 years. My job is not a humanitarian project that leaves me feeling fulfilled and accomplished at the end of the day. In watching all of those videos I was transported to the memories I have of really making a difference and watching a life being touched before my very eyes. I reflected on a children's summer camp in St. Petersburg, Russia. Doing arts and crafts with the children and playing volleyball. I remembered my little twin Masha, with her long blonde hair and hungry blue eyes. She was attached to my hip every day and I just loved on her and spent time with her. I reminisced about Vacation Bible School in Belize. Hearing chants of "Miss, miss. Can you help me with my bracelet?" Singing "My Father's House" while all the kids danced around. Carrying kids around on piggy back at least 1500 times but you just couldn't tell them no so you'd do just one more. Going to bed at night thinking there's no way you'd be able to move the next morning. I traveled back in time to each Uganda trip where God would move in different ways under different circumstances. My heart breaking every time a child would hand me a letter that would bear the same information: My mom and dad have died from AIDS and I am orphaned. I need money for school fees. Secretly wishing for all of the money in the world to rain down from heaven to supply every need for every child. Walking away wondering, "how do we help them all?" I guess to sum it all up, watching Daughtry's video reminded me of the time when I felt like my life made a difference. I feel that I am not living a life that makes a difference on a daily basis and that upsets me and it makes me long for that. It redirected my focus on what really matters in life and what's most important. It's not the things I own: the new house we built, the new cars we drive, the latest fashion trends or the coolest vacation spot. It's reaching out to change the life of another in a positive way and most importantly sharing Jesus with them so they can have the hope of an eternal life in Heaven. That's the difference I want to make. Sometimes I may waver from that direction but I know that its my destiny and purpose in life so God will always take his staff and pull me gently back to the right thing. When will we make a difference? When will we start to make our lives count? What about now?!