What About Now?

Last night I watched Idol Gives Back. I'm not really sure it was a good time to watch a program of that emotional magnitude considering I seemed to be having an emotional day anyway. It must be a pregnant thing! :o} I guess it all started with a phone call from Jordy. He spent the day in Selma yesterday to take his grandmother, JoJo, to the doctor. I had talked to him around lunch time and he said he planned to leave Selma around 2pm b/c he wanted to be home around 4pm to work on the message for Thursday night. I had tried to call him on my way home to see how close to home he was but I went straight to voicemail every time. I was very tired so I laid down on the couch when I got home around 4:30pm. Jordan still was not home. My cell phone battery was dying so I put it on vibrate so it wouldn't beep constantly and I could rest in silence. I had gotten a couple of calls but none of them were Jordy so I just ignored them and went back to napping. Around 6pm Jordan finally called. He was just leaving Selma...which means it would be 8pm before he got home. I was a little disappointed that he would not be home sooner but I was also disappointed that I couldn't get in touch with him earlier to know that he was still ok and had not left yet. He began to tell me that JoJo was not doing well at all and that she just talked to him for so long that he couldn't leave. She made him take her all over Selma to see different sites there and they just spent some time together. Jordan said, "This may be the last time I ever get to do anything like this with her again." That was such a weighty statement on my already emotional feelings and then I felt somewhat guilty for being upset at all. Jordan kept apologizing to me but he really had done nothing to upset me. When we got off the phone with each other tears began to roll down my cheeks but I still really didn't know why. Jordan called me right back and then we were in another discussion about me crying and he was apologizing even though he had no reason to be apologizing. I was just having some really weird emotions going on. I said all of that to brief you on my real intention for this blog post: I'm watching all of these video clips of some extremely destitute situations here in the United States and Africa on Idol Gives Back. I'm immediately overwhelmed with a sense of sadness for the people directly affected by these circumstances. I have always had a very compassionate heart for those in need and seeing these videos just caused that heart of mine to expand even more. Since having spent time in Africa myself and being able to understand the poverty these people live in I am always touched and moved by any humanitarian work that takes place there. The last clip they show is when the group Daughtry went to Uganda. If all of the other videos were not enough, Daughtry had to go to the very country that has my heart because that is the country I have been to on 3 different occasions. The song they are singing is "What About Now" and video clips of the children are flashing on the screen and clips of the guys from Daughtry interacting with them. This resulted in a flood of tears falling from my eyes now. I am now done for. Jordan kneels down beside me to ask me what's wrong and is just concerned about me. I couldn't answer anything. In a moment like that I just want to soak up that feeling and emotion that is coursing through my body. I could not decipher it then. I'd have to ponder those thoughts and feelings before I could explain them. Here they are: If you read some previous posts you will see that I've been in a state lately that I feel as though every day is a day without purpose. I feel that the monotany of my every day life is not impacting or changing anything around me. I get up at the same time every morning. I go to the same job and do the same thing I've done for the last 10 1/2 years. My job is not a humanitarian project that leaves me feeling fulfilled and accomplished at the end of the day. In watching all of those videos I was transported to the memories I have of really making a difference and watching a life being touched before my very eyes. I reflected on a children's summer camp in St. Petersburg, Russia. Doing arts and crafts with the children and playing volleyball. I remembered my little twin Masha, with her long blonde hair and hungry blue eyes. She was attached to my hip every day and I just loved on her and spent time with her. I reminisced about Vacation Bible School in Belize. Hearing chants of "Miss, miss. Can you help me with my bracelet?" Singing "My Father's House" while all the kids danced around. Carrying kids around on piggy back at least 1500 times but you just couldn't tell them no so you'd do just one more. Going to bed at night thinking there's no way you'd be able to move the next morning. I traveled back in time to each Uganda trip where God would move in different ways under different circumstances. My heart breaking every time a child would hand me a letter that would bear the same information: My mom and dad have died from AIDS and I am orphaned. I need money for school fees. Secretly wishing for all of the money in the world to rain down from heaven to supply every need for every child. Walking away wondering, "how do we help them all?" I guess to sum it all up, watching Daughtry's video reminded me of the time when I felt like my life made a difference. I feel that I am not living a life that makes a difference on a daily basis and that upsets me and it makes me long for that. It redirected my focus on what really matters in life and what's most important. It's not the things I own: the new house we built, the new cars we drive, the latest fashion trends or the coolest vacation spot. It's reaching out to change the life of another in a positive way and most importantly sharing Jesus with them so they can have the hope of an eternal life in Heaven. That's the difference I want to make. Sometimes I may waver from that direction but I know that its my destiny and purpose in life so God will always take his staff and pull me gently back to the right thing. When will we make a difference? When will we start to make our lives count? What about now?!

Test Time

I don't really know anyone who enjoys taking tests. When I was in high school I always did better if I crammed for the test right before class. Everything was fresh on my mind and I could remember answers much easier. So you can imagine my displeasure if I walked into class to find out we were having a Pop Quiz! The fear and panic that would overcome me would make my stomach draw up in knots. I hated them! I would be on pins and needles until I found out my grade. Oh, I can remember those days so easily! I can honestly say this today though...tests in high school were much easier than the tests God will put you through to develop your character and to make you everything He wants you to be. I had a Pop Quiz this week at work. I wasn't prepared...but I should have been. That's what happens when you haven't spent a lot of time "studying" like you should...do you know what I mean?! You just can't cram for a God test! You pass those tests by spending a lot of time in His Word and learning Who He is. I didn't fail my test but I don't think I made a very good grade...not the grade I would have liked. I'd say I passed with a C+. To begin with I didn't respond the way I should have. But I think I scored high on the bonus question at the end: What did you learn from this test? I learned that even if I am right and I am being punished unjustly while those around me are the ones in the wrong, I should not lash back out. I learned that any attack against me is not a physical attack but a spiritual attack. The Bible says that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the principalities of darkness." The people who are involved were just puppets on the devil's strings that he used to strike out against me. I also learned that I cannot justify retaliation when My Lord and Savior was silent before His accusers. He was crucified yet did no wrong. I have now shared in His suffering. I can now relate a little more to the weight my Savior carried. Yet I've not even scratched the surface of the real pain He suffered or the heartbreak He felt...that even I was to blame for. Though I was hurt, angry and upset, I was not innocent. But Jesus was. Through the revelation He gave me just today, the burden and weight I carried has been lifted. My attitude has changed. And through that, even the very atmosphere that I have struggled to endure is not the same. The ones who attacked are now cordial and even speaking to me again. I know and believe the shift came about with the simple revelation He gave me and the change in myself and my attitude. It's difficult to learn these lessons the hard way. But if He can find me faithful to the end regardless of what I must suffer, endure or go through, then I will have passed! That is my heart's desire: to be found faithful and that lives would be changed in the process. Father, I thank You for loving me enough to chastise me when I was in the wrong. Thank You for revealing the meaning behind this test and opening my eyes to the spiritual side. Thank You Father that You still find me worthy enough to break me to pieces and throw me in the fire again until You can see a spotless reflection in me. Your love never fails to amaze me. I love You!

Dying

Live for You by Connersvine All that is within me, cries out to You, My Lord, My God and King For You alone can cleanse me and set me free (chorus) I want to live for you...I want to die to me...I want to be empitied...I want to be freed...From all that holds me capitve...all that brings me down...All that's tried to lose me...Now that I've been found...I want to live for You. Here in this hour, Leaning on Your mercy, Your throne of grace; You are all I am after, the beauty of Your face; (bridge) All I am, broken on the ground...In Your hands, Knowing You surround me Lord; Father, now I know that I am Yours A Time to Die by Connersvine Here I am alone again; the rise and fall against the wind; Alive I'll be the last to carry on. I see the writing on the wall, For every dream to crash and fall, And tremble like the darkness at the dawn. (chorus) This is the time to die...This is the time to separate...This is the time to celebrate...Leaving this world behind; the time to die; The waters have risen high again...And all of my idols tremble in the wake of Your love divine So raise me from my bended knees, Who bow to things that cannot see, And lift me to a place where I stand, Replace my heart and all I lack, And place the wood upon my back; The cross of my dear Lover, Savior, Friend So take my dreams and take my wealth; And all betrayal You have felt, Take them as a tool for sacrifice; To work, to kill or even still, Your kingdom dreams to fulfill, Today this altar is my stage for life. First of all, if you have not heard of these guys (Connersvine) or you do not have their CD, I strongly encourage you to get it. It is an amazing and awesome CD! Here's a link to their Myspace page: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=64484632 These two songs explain a lot about where I am in my life right now...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. it comes after a short season of silence, questions, doubts and uncertainties in my own personal walk with the Lord. When my breakthrough came so did the battle and attacks. I was naive to think they would lie dormant and full of faith to think they would not get the best of me. Thankfully, they only succeeded in revealing more of the me that I've grown to dislike and even despise. The selfish part of me that rears its ugly head more often than I desire. The part of me I fight to place on the altar. The part of me that regresses two steps with every step I take forward. The part of me that struggles for status and prestige against humility. That's the inward battle that came to light in the midst of a "physical" battle on my job. Although I feel I have been treated unfairly and injustice fills my work environment, I know in Whom I have believed. I know that although there are many times I disappoint Him, He is still my Constant and the ONLY One in Whom I can fully trust and rely on. He is my Judge and my Defense. Without a doubt, there is NOTHING that can separate me from His love. nothing I say or do can ever change that. Though others speak all manner of evil against me I will NOT be shaken or moved from my faith. I refuse to GIVE the devil my joy or my hope and desire for more of Christ and less of me. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and I refuse to be his victim. "Greater is He that's within me than he that is in this world." May this serve as a reminder to him and every pawn he uses that he has no power, authority or dominion over my life. I am victorious through Christ and I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me. So, my prayer shall continue to be: "Less of me and more of You. No matter the injustice that surrounds me, may I still be found faithful in Your sight. May this flesh burn on Your altar unitl You see a perfect reflection of all you are within me." *~Burning~*

Still here...

Although I'm convinced that my co-worker, Kim, is the only one who reads this blog, she enjoys reading it even though she's well aware of what goes on in my life on a daily basis! If for no one but her, I shall continue to blog! ;O) I had another doctor appointment yesterday. When Dr. Straughn walked in the room she asked, "So, are you feeling pregnant yet?" My reply was, "No, not really!" I was fortunate, praise the Lord, to go through my first trimester free of all the morning sickness. Most days I had to remind myself that I was pregnant because my body showed me very little promising signs. Even though my clothes are feeling more snug, I still do not have the "obvious" baby bump...it's just a bulge! I also, have not felt any movement yet so I continue to remind myself that I am pregnant and everything is fine. Back to my appointment: I lay back on the table and lift my shirt up. She squirts that yummy jelly stuff on my tummy (ha!) and moves the doppler around trying to find a heartbeat. She moves it in several places with no detection of a heartbeat and I begin to feel nervous. She says, "Honory little thing. Must be a boy!" We both chuckled and I replied with, "I hope so. We don't have a little girl name yet so a boy would make things much easier right now." She managed to find the heartbeat soon after that and it was in the 150's this time. My last appt. it was in the 160's so it has slowly decreased every month. While we're listening we hear this "thump" sound. Dr. Straughn says, "That's the baby moving." The baby was pretty active b/c she'd have the heartbeat coming through the doppler and then you'd hear the thump and she'd have to find the heartbeat again. It was so amazing to hear the baby moving b/c I cannot feel it yet. I was relieved to hear the life inside! Although it may sound strange to say this, but, this all still feels so surreal. I still cannot fathom that this is really happening to ME. I feel so blessed and honored and yet in the midst of those wonderful feelings I cannot help but feel overwhelmed and nervous. I'm sure these are all normal emotions for a first time mother-to-be so that brings me relief. Jordan was disappointed that he was not able to be there with me to hear the movement. I will have an ultrasound done next month and we will get to find out for sure what the baby is! That is the moment that we have both been anxiously awaiting! I'm just so ready for my baby to have an official identity now. We can call the baby by the name that we have chosen (which, if its a girl may still be a while!) and can begin to work on furnishing and decorating the right room! We are excited about that! Jordan said that he's just ready to hold our baby in his arms and he believes that this baby will bring a new joy into our lives that we have been missing lately. Just 5 more months to go! Another new and exciting thing in my life right now is this:

My brand new digital SLR came in yesterday and I could not be more thrilled! I can start taking more pictures now without a concern of film and processing fees. I love that! I also have some news about my own photography business. This is a new endeavor for me and I'm really excited about it. I am officially launching:

[cw] photography

I am booking appointments now, so if you're interested in having any type of portraits done please feel free to contact me. My photography email address is christywphoto@yahoo.com. I will have a website coming soon! Jordan and I are going to spend this weekend in Atlanta for a much needed getaway! We are going to spend all day Saturday at Stone Mountain. I am looking forward to this in a big way! The weather is going to be beautiful and I am thankful that Spring is finally here. It's one of my most favorite times of the year. I love seeing everything spring back to life after a dead, cold and dreary winter. Everything is so bright and colorful and so full of vitality. I think such weather and surroundings also boosts our individual moods too. I feel happier each day being able to walk in the warm sun and cool breeze. These are the times that I wish I could be outside from the time the sun comes up till it sets. I just love it! I hope everyone enjoys their own beautiful weekend and may everyone reflect on the greatest sacrifice ever made: the death and Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ! He is worthy to be praised and remembered not just this weekend but every day of the year! *Love*

So its been a while...

And its been such a slow, boring day at work that I've been playing Sudoku most of the day. Suddenly, Kim has this bright idea that I should write in my blog. Yes! Great idea, Kim! I'm sorry to have kept anyone from wondering if I'd ever blog again but here's the latest news from my corner. I hope you enjoy. So, I had my first ultrasound on January 23rd. There is only one baby according to the ultrasound. There are some who are still in disagreement with that but as of right now that is all they saw. Everything looked normal and at the time the baby was measuring to be approximately 8 weeks and my official due date is September 1st. Today I am 10 weeks and still feeling fine. No morning sickness at all and I am very thankful for that. The baby's heartbeat was extremely fast (173.88 bpm). Of course, I cried when I heard that first sound of life beating! The technician said that she could guess the baby's sex by the heartbeat and she guesses the baby to be a boy. But some have said the faster heartbeats are for girls so I don't think anyone really knows. My next ultrasound will be at 20 weeks; around the middle of April. I will be able to find out the baby's sex at that time and will be able to see who's right and who's not. hee hee! I have always wanted a little boy first but as all pregnant women would say, I just want them to be healthy. Jordan, naturally, wants a little girl. He wants a Daddy's girl really bad. Time will tell. It amazes me to know that the baby's sex was determined as soon as the sperm met the egg. My baby's identity has already been created but its still a mystery to me. The Lord is knitting my baby together day by day until he or she takes their first breath that God breathes into his/her lungs. I have heard the time flies by but I feel like its gone by so slowly thus far. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that this is my first so I am constantly keeping track of every minute detail which just seems to make the time drag. When I put it in the context of "I can find out the baby's sex in just 2 months" it doesn't seem so long! How am I doing physically? The last 3 or 4 weeks were quite draining. I would get tired and fatigued quite often throughout the day. I have noticed that slacking off this week and I'm able to function better. I do have to eat something as soon as I get up in the morning so that I do not feel so weak after I get out of the shower. My appetite has greatly increased and I hope its all due to the baby. I feel like I eat all the time and that I hardly ever seem to feel really full. I am trying to eat good snacks and not just junk food. I keep a lot of fruit on hand for my munchies. I'm sure that I've gained a sufficient amount of weight but I haven't outgrown my clothes yet. My pants are getting a little more snug and uncomfortable but I haven't officially made any transition just yet. I can see the difference in certain areas that others cannot see (fortunately--trust me!!)! I'm really ready to actually look pregnant and not just appear to be packing on some pounds...if you know what I mean! :O) I want to take this opportunity to say how wonderful my mother is! She has decided to buy me a pack of diapers every week between now and the time the baby gets here. Can I just say what an awesome blessing that is?! I know that will prove to be a major money saver for me later. I'm very excited about it. She bought me some of the Pampers swaddlers. I couldn't resist pulling one diaper out of the pack just to look at. It still blows my mind to think that in just about 7 months I will be holding my own little one. This is definitely a dream that I really never imagined would be true in my own life. I can say that I don't think I could want anything more. And I also don't believe there could have been a more perfect time for God to bless our lives with such a miracle. I'm still amazed. I'm still overwhelmed. And I am still very excited! I also want to say that if you are keeping up with my blogs just post a little comment for me to read. I would love to know who's visiting this little blogspot from time to time. It would really make me smile in a big kind of way! =) I LOVE YOU!!

It's surreal...

On December 29th I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I took the test simply to put my mind at ease that I was NOT pregnant and that I missed my cycle just b/c I had been so stressed recently. As that 2nd little line started popping up (quite clearly) I was in disbelief. "Surely not," I thought to myself. It was around 6:30 in the morning and Jordan was still in bed. I had started crying when the realization of the very defined line hit me...it was a good cry, an overwhelmed cry. I walked over by the bed and said, "Babe?" He peaked his head out from under the covers and asked what was wrong. He said he tried to think if he'd heard the phone ring or if something bad had happened. When he saw the test in my hand he said, "You're pregnant?!" I couldn't even speak. I just nodded. He grinned from ear to ear and pulled the covers back for me to get back in bed. I laid down and all I could say was, "Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!" I was completely overwhelmed of the reality of what was taking place. We had not been trying to have a baby but we had stopped trying not to and just left it in God's hands. When He felt it was time it would all happen. It was His time...sooner than I had expected it to be but I'm still elated! We had our first doctor appointment yesterday and the doctor confirmed that I am pregnant...I was relieved that so many symptoms were not just in my head! :O) I am about 6 weeks along. We have our first ultrasound on January 23rd. We both really want twins so we're believing that we will see 2 when they do the ultrasound. Last night I even dreamed I was hearing 2 heartbeats. Everyone has said that we would be the one to have twins and we have excitedly accepted that! We will know indefinitely on the 23rd! Even now it all just seems so surreal. Like a fairytale. I was the young girl who thought she'd never get married. I was the girl who wanted hundreds of children but never thought I'd really ever have them. To know that I do actually have life growing inside me really just blows my mind and I am in awe and wonder at God's whole design of creating these lives within me. They are already little warriors for God and we will speak into and over their lives every day. They are fearfully and wonderfully made! I can hardly wait to see them for the first time. So this year has already been amazing for us. We have moved into our new house and we will fill it up sooner than we expected to! God is so awesome and His timing is so perfect. We wait with anticipation and expectation for our little miracles to arrive!!! WOW!

So...

I really didn't have a very good day yesterday. I basically had an emotional breakdown from a combination of just EVERYTHING going on in my life right now....frustrations, stress, exhaustion (physical and emotional), and holiday. Everything just kinda piled up yesterday and I just had to cry...so I did...all day! I'm so thankful to have a very understanding and patient husband who would put up with me when I get like that. And especially thankful to have such awesome friends who always have an ear to listen and words of encouragement to try to lift my mood (Kim & Kayla). I am probably MOST grateful for a God who will love me despite me. Even though I had a pity party yesterday I know that He was there loving me through every bit of it and reassuring me that tomorrow would be a new day and that His mercies are new EVERY morning. So, I am MUCH better today, Praise the Lord!!! Jordan and I took a MUCH NEEDED night off last night. We didn't work in the house, didn't go anywhere. We nestled down in the recliners and watched a little bit of TV, had dinner and went to bed early (8pm)! It was so NICE!! So I have a fresh start today and I'm re-energized to tackle what must be tackled today. Work in the house this afternoon with a clear mind and a little more excitement that we are yet again ONE DAY CLOSER to moving in. Hopefully, the plumber will be by there today to fix our plumbing leak and we can turn the water on. I'm refusing to have a prospective MOVE IN date since every one we set never progresses. We'll move in when we're finished and we'll move in when God's ready for us to move in. We have 7 days till Christmas!!! I will be one of the lunatics out there on Christmas Eve trying to buy for the few I need to buy for. I wish I could buy for everyone in my circle of familiy and friends...one day I will! With all of the construction going on right now I really have not had a chance to just really enjoy the excitement and thrill of Christmas this year. It has basically been an afterthought thus far b/c the house has consumed my thoughts. But I want to take this opportunity to recognize the Reason for this CHRISTmas season: the birth of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. With all of this garbage about changing the name of CHRISTmas to Holiday b/c it may offend some, go ahead. But it will still never change the fact that CHRIST is the Reason for CHRISTmas! And NO ONE can stop me from wishing ANYONE a Merry CHRISTMAS!!! Nope, no one! And for anyone that is bothered by that statement, let me take you to a 3rd world country where there are far MORE issues to be more concerned about. To you, I say: GET OVER IT & MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! This blog sends love to all of my family and friends who do happen to read this. May you have a tremendously blessed CHRISTmas with your loved ones and may this new year truly be a year of new beginnings in every area of your life! With love, Me :O)

Faith

Last Sunday morning, December 2nd, I had a greater revelation of faith through a message preached by Pastor Jentezen Franklin. I cannot list everything from his message in detail but I wanted to share an overview of what I received. This may seem elementary, but for some reason, that morning, it was Rhema Word for me. It was just one verse. A verse that I've been familiar with for years. But that morning, God dropped it in my spirit and I understood it even more. Hebrews 11:6 And WITHOUT faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. For the majority of my life I have always prayed "God may my life be pleasing to You. I just want to please You and I want to know that I am doing what You want me to do." The desire of my heart was to please my Father. So everyday I would strive to do the right things, be a good example to others, obey authority, do everything "as unto the Lord." I felt that DOING things that were good and right would please Him. But I can DO all the right things and be faced with a tough situation and allow that situation to seem hopeless to me, and I can lack the faith to believe that God can still handle it and work it out and I would have failed in pleasing God despite my good deed b/c I lacked the faith to believe HIM. His Word IS true! Matthew 19:26 With God ALL things ARE POSSIBLE!!! There is NOTHING too big for God! Pastor Franklin also spoke on when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into the fiery furnace. He made note of the fact that when the King had the guards turn the furnace up 7 times hotter that when the guards opened the door to the furnace they were burned and died. The devil will place people in front of you who have faced the same situations you're in and been through the same things you may be going through and they're situations did not turn out well. The devil does that to steer your faith and cause your faith to be questioned and to fail. But make note of the fact that when the King looked into the furnace there were 4 men WALKING around in the fire. You see, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did not just sit down in the middle of their trial. They WALKED BY FAITH right in the middle of it! So despite the fact that others may have gone through the same situation you're in and their situation did not turn out in a positive aspect, DO NOT allow the enemy to use that in your life to cause you to doubt what God CAN do. Just have FAITH! Another thing to note in Hebrew 6:11: It says that God is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him. Pastor Franklin mentioned this and I will agree that I, too, had the same misconception. But this verse just says that God will reward those who earnestly seek Him...it does not say that you have to find Him in order to be rewarded. If we will just make a conscious effort on a daily basis to SEEK HIM then He will reward us. Reward us with what? I believe He will simply reward us with what we NEED each day. His Word also says that if we seek Him we WILL find Him! How can we possibly lose anything if we just seek Him? One, He will reward us. Two, we will find Him. I can only see us gaining in this scenario. My prayer now is, "God increase my faith because I want to please you! You are God and there is NOTHING impossible with You. I have surrendered my life into Your Hands and I trust You completely with it. Increase my faith." I have been a witness to miracles, signs and wonders and I know that God can heal, set free and deliver His children. He holds my life in His hands and EVERYTHING that happens is b/c He has allowed it to happen for some reason. I just have to trust Him to order my steps b/c He said He would. God is so Awesome!!!! Put your faith in Him today!!!!

House pictures

I just wanted to post some recent pictures of the house. This last picture to the left is the view from the front door. The hardwoods are already laid up to the place where the arches meet. We should finish laying the hardwoods in the living room tonight and the spare bedrooms tomorrow. Then the flooring is finished...we just have to lay the baseboards! The plan is to be moving in next weekend!!! Hallelujah!!!

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is the one day a year that is set aside to actually give Thanks for our many blessings. It's really kind of sad that we designate just one day to give thanks when we should all give thanks on a daily basis. I recognize more and more that EVERY day is a blessing from God and that without Him we would not even be here. The Bible says that IN HIM, we live and move and have our being. I believe that Scripture to be very much true! My new goal is to really take on an attitude of gratitude and live every day with a thankful heart for ALL that God has given me and ALL that He has done IN my life. He has done SO MUCH for me this year. Let me list just a few things:

• I was blessed with the opportunity to go back to Uganda twice this year and witness miracles, signs and wonders!
• We were able to sell our house.
• God told us He would build us a house and that is exactly what He has done.
• God brought my dad home from Louisiana and he and my two brothers were the instruments God used to build my house.
• I will be moving into my new house before Christmas and it really is a beautiful home that I know was built out of love. My two Daddy's built my house for me.
• I have been in excellent health this year.
• I have had food on my table and a roof over my head and I am thankful for that b/c I know that there are so many people in this world that do not have such things.
• I have a job that I enjoying being at (most days! LOL)
• I witnessed God's hand in the healing and renewing of my favorite supervisor who is like another mother to me!
• I was able to buy a brand new car this year.
• I am blessed with so many wonderful friends!
• I am EXTREMELY blessed with a WONDERFUL family that LOVES me and would do anything for me.

I would love for everyone who reads this to just take a short amount of time to reflect on all that God has done for you this year and just send up praises to Him. He is so WORTHY of them!

I pray that your Thanksgiving is blessed and that you all have a wonderful and safe time visiting all of your family and loved ones. Don't eat too much...but savor all that you do! :O)

I love you all so very much!!!!

P.S. Tomorrow is also my birthday~just one more thing to be thankful for...well you should be thankful for me at least!!!! LOL Just kidding! Muah!

Pictures from London & Uganda

My Child

My Child, Not only can I hear you, but I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1) I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2) I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3) Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31) For you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27) In Me, you live and move and have your eing. (Acts 17:27-28) For you are My offspring. (Acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you, when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book. (Psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth, and where you would live. (Acts 17:26) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13) And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6) I have been misrepresented by those who don't know Me. (John 8:41, 42, 44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) And it is My desire to lavish My love on you. Simply because you are My child, and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11) For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48) Every good gift that you receive, comes from My hand. (James 1:17) For I am your provider, and I meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18) And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40) For you are My treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5) I desire to establish you with all My heart, and all My soul. (Jeremiah 32:41) Adn I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3) If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4) For it is I, who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21) For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) And nothing will ever seaparte you from My love again. (Romans 8:38-39) I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15) Love, Your Heavenly Father

Uganda October 2007

On both of my previous trips to Uganda I went with great expectations of creative miracles, signs and wonders, such as, limbs growing back or the dead being raised. Maybe because of all that was going on in my life before we left for this trip I really did not have a lot of time to think about it in terms of gathering any preconceived ideas of what would take place. Honestly, I did not have any feelings whatsoever. It was very unusual for me and I was concerned and disturbed by it. I am glad that I did not have such expectations because I was not disappointed by what took place. I was in awe at the children as in times past but they did not consume my thoughts or my emotions. What I was in awe of was God in the little things. I noticed God in the smaller moments: I witnessed courtesy to our bus drivers that led one to a hunger for salvation. I watched a sinner being led to repentance inside a mini-bus in the middle of the Kampala jam. I, then, remembered how we never would have had that moment if a mini-bus we were riding to the crusade in had not broken down which caused us to swap buses on the side of the street. I saw God’s hand in that. I recognized God’s love for Michael that He would cause all of those events to take place just so Michael could be born again. I noticed the true importance of a Father/Son relationship and how it is longed for by so many when the tears fell from Michael’s cheek as Pastor called him his new son. I witnessed the salvation of hundreds of lost souls which is the greatest miracle of all. I was touched by the tears streaming down faces as they repeated the sinner’s prayer. I could almost see the angels peering down from Heaven and counting them one by one, then turning around to start the jubilant celebration. I saw the Gospel message, the Great Commission, manifested as every newborn soul was jotted down and would become a part of the discipleship program and taught the Truth. They will grow in the wisdom and knowledge of Jesus Christ. I was humbled by messages that were preached because they were as much for me and my situations here as it was for the people of Uganda. Jesus is no respecter of persons and I am truly blessed that God spoke to me as He spoke to others. If we would strive to have a teachable spirit and open our hearts to receive what the Lord is speaking we would be so much stronger spiritually than we are. Though we came to minister and bless these people, I, in turn, was ministered to and blessed; maybe even more so than they. My heart leapt as a little boy was thanking God for sending an angel to chase a demon away from him and acknowledging God as the provider of a sponsor for his school fees. I was humbled to see the generosity towards a waitress who was saving all of her tip money in order to buy a new mattress. I watched as God’s hand outstretched to give her the last 10,000 shillings (which is about $6.67) she needed to finish her purchase. I saw the heart of God in the humble servant hood of Damalie as she carried Bibles and escorted Ms. Wanda to our mini-bus every day. Not only did she have a humble spirit but also a sacrificial spirit. She does not have much but she gave each of us ladies a beautiful beaded necklace; a modern day widow’s mite. I experienced the magnitude of a touch and a hug as the children pressed all around just for one hand shake and one squeeze. One little boy even sat on the end of the bench I sat on one night but inched his way over to the point of being right under me. I spent the rest of the night with one arm around him and he just nuzzled right up to me and loved every second of it. I remembered feeling like the Pied Piper as I looked on either side of me and behind me to see that I was surrounded by children whose faces lit up when I acknowledged their presence. I saw the impact of a prayer for a little boy who was having nightmares as tears streamed down his cheeks. We have no idea what they go home to and the demonic forces are very real and tangible there. But I believe that God is raising up a new generation of young warriors. They will never forget our visits and they will never forget the message we brought. They will know Jesus and all that He can do for them. I also witnessed Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, in action as He directed us from an unsafe hotel into a sheltering place that was far more comfortable and welcoming than the other. I witnessed a group of people with a determined heart and mind to do whatever it took and whatever it cost to make everything work out because every soul was worth it. God stretched the finances of each of us just in order to meet our needs and the needs of the people in Uganda. A new ministry was established in the city center. It will grow and spread throughout Kampala, throughout Uganda, and throughout Africa. I played just one small part in it by being in its attendance. So what I leave from Uganda with this time is that God doesn’t always have to do something big because He is ALWAYS in the little things. I know it seems so elementary but its importance is no less. Did I see something this time that I never have before? Most definitely! And it was probably the greatest thing I could have seen. I saw the little things. And I saw that God loves us so much that He probably pays more attention to the small things than we realize. It’s in those small things that birth out large things. The small things must take place before anything large can because the large things are just a combination of the smaller things working together. As I wrote that on the airplane God even revealed to me the importance of that within the church body. We are eagerly looking for the big things of God to take place but they will not come until all of the smaller parts and things are working together, unified. It won’t take much to work together for something big but think how much greater that big could be if more small things would pull together! My prayer is that God will reveal to each of you the importance of the small things in your life and in our church and that it would so overwhelm each of us that it pushes us into a unified action. For His glory and His renown!!!

Uganda again

So, one week from tomorrow Jordan and I will embark on another journey to Africa for a mission trip. I am excited yet nervous about this trip. I'm nervous b/c I have so much going on here at home that I haven't had time to really prepare for this trip...in terms of packing and getting all of my travel stuff organized. That means that I will be going crazy by next week if I don't get some of it accomplished before then. Monday and Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat and I decided I would go ahead and go to the doctor to get a shot in hopes of knocking out whatever is trying to plaque my body. I will not be sick and miserable on my trip next week. So I make an appointment yesterday and go see the doctor. The nurse lady comes in and asks for my symptoms and she writes them down in my chart as I call them out one by one. I proceed to tell her that I am going out of the country next week and will take a shot or whatever I need to get better. She asks where I'm going and when I told her Uganda she says, "Must be for a mission trip b/c that doesn't sound like a place you'd like to go on vacation." I confirmed her assumption and she left. The doctor comes in and I give him the whole spill again (why does the nurse ask for our symptoms only for the doctor to come in behind her and ask for them all over again?)! I tell him that I'm going out of the country next week and I am very open to him giving me a shot. He agrees and sends the nurse in to inject me. The nurse is rubbing the little alcohol swab on my arm and she asks me, "are you going over there to feed them or to preach?" I reply, "to preach." She very matter of factly says, "I'm sorry but I believe that's just a waste of time." At that reply I am basically caught a little off guard and shocked that she would say that to me. So I reply back with "Really?!" "Yes," she replies, "I just feel there are a lot of people over here that need help." I then inform her, "Well, we do help a lot of people over here too. Our church ministry has helped a lot of people over the past several years. We happen to have a contact in Uganda who sets up crusades for us there and that's why we go over there. But we do still help here too. We just do both." I'm spitting out all of this info as she's closing the door and just has that "whatever" kind of look on her face. Now I'm mad! I do not like confrontation at all and I do not like disagreements. Whenever I encounter those things I tend to get emotional. I can feel my neck start burning and the nerves are pulsating up and down my weak legs. Doctor, can you please hurry and bring my prescription in here so I can leave? What I would have liked to have said to her is the following: "Are you upset at the fact that we're going over there to preach and not to feed them? Is it better that they die and spend an eternity in hell so long as they had a full belly before they did. Or is it better for them to miss a meal here only to spend an eternity in Heaven b/c they heard the Gospel message and Jesus Christ saved their soul? Not saying that I'm not in favor of feeding them b/c I strongly believe that they will not care what you know until they know how much you care. But we are not going to an area where there is an immense lack of food nor high malnutrition. And if you strongly believe that there are people over here that need help and that seems to be a concern of yours then why don't YOU help them? Or are you upset that we're going over there to preach when there are plenty of people here who need to be preached to? Well, can I just remind you that there is basically a church on every corner here in the United States and we have the freedom of choice to attend any church we so desire. So if people here needed to be preached to but they fail to get off their duffs and go to church then should you condemn me for being called by God to travel 10,000 miles away to preach to a people who are hungry for the Word of God and cannot get enough of Him? Forgive me for being a little perturbed at the ignorance of some people. You do what your convictions tell you to do and let me do what I feel God is calling me to do. Jesus said to go into Samaria, Judea and all parts of the world preaching the Gospel. Well, we're here in our community preaching and we're reaching out to the world too. Who are YOU to judge and condemn me? God is my judge and I believe He is more pleased with those who obey His commandments than those who condemn others for doing His commandments and who sit idly by waiting for someone ELSE to reach out and make a difference. So, I just needed a moment to vent that out! God have mercy on the ignorant and open their understanding.

*Walls*

I finally have real walls in my house now!!! This is a view from my front door looking into the living room.

They came out and started hanging the drywall in the house on Saturday. The crew worked so hard all day long and got the majority of the whole house finished. They ran out of some certain drywall that they needed but they're back out there to finish hanging it today. Tomorrow the finishers will come out and start taping and mudding the drywall. By next week we should be ready to start priming and painting them!

We've already picked out the colors we want to use in every room and I am very excited about them. They may be bold and bright and a little different than some people's taste but they are all rich, warm and happy colors that all go well with each other from room to room. The walls in our other house were all the same color and just a pale tan color so I'm looking foward to having some real depth and warmth in this new house. And all that really matters is that Jordan and I like them.

I just think its amazing the transformation that takes place during a house building project. I can remember staring into the wooded land trying to imagine my house being nestled in the middle of the trees. I remember as each step progressed how I still kept trying to picture my house there and now its finally emerged from the bottom and sprung forth into this massive structure that even I am amazed by. It's even more than I could have pictured or imagined. As each day passes and the reality hits me more and more I am suddenly becoming so overwhelmed by what God has done and how He did it.

It will forever hold a special place in my heart b/c it was the labor of my dad, brothers, mom and husband...as well as other family members too. It has truly been a miracle and I am ever so grateful and thankful! As soon as I can load some more pictures up I will try to post some so that you can all see and appreciate all that has transpired over this last 6 months. I am as anxious to be finished as I am to watch the remaining steps go by!

Wow! =)

It's almost here

Fall weather, that is! There are several things to love about Alabama weather: when the seasons change, they change! A couple of weekends ago (I know I'm posting this late) I woke up to a chill in the air. I walked outside and actually thought that I may need a light jacket. We went from high 90's to low 80's overnight. Talk about a drastic change! But I absolutely LOVE it! Spring and Fall are my two most favorite seasons ever! I love how the weather is never too cold and never too hot but always just right. Spring has this feel of life and new beginning in the air. The colors of the grass and trees budding and all the new flowers that spring forth are so vibrant and lively. Fall has a totally different feel. The leaves start to change into brilliant reds, yellows and oranges. Absolutely beautiful! But the atmosphere seems to be unlike the other seasons. There's almost this cuddly, fall in love excited atmosphere. Maybe its just me but there is just something in the air in the Autumn months that just isn't there in the Winter, Spring or Summer. Does anybody out there know what I'm talking about?

I hope you are all looking forward to this new season as much as I am! I'm really hoping that I will be able to get back to running now that the temps have simmered down...oh how I miss it!

New toy!

This is our new toy! It's a Samsung mp3 player. We had a mail in rebate for 2 Free mp3 players with the purchase of our new refrigerator. I just got them in 2 days ago and got some songs uploaded on it yesterday. I just LOVE it! It's not a Ipod but its still a 4GB player and holds tons of songs, photos and even has FM radio. I ordered a cover and an armband for it. Now I can listen to music as I'm running (when I have time to get back into that!). We will take them with us to Uganda next month and any other trips we go on from here on out. I think I'm finally becoming a techie! If anyone already has one of these though I'd love to know how you create a playlist on it. I go to the playlist icon and it says No File. Any clue??? I'm new to this and could use some more detailed isntruction!

I just wanted to share it with you b/c I'm so ecstatic over it. I carry it everywhere now! Love! :O)

*A Getaway*

So lately (for like a year now) my life has been hectic, hectic, hectic. I'm not complaining at all b/c I am thankful that I have a life and that I am involved in activities. But when you're constantly on the go and you never have a second to take a break it can really start to wear on you mentally and physically. Last week I was mentally, physically and emotionally drained. It also didn't help to remind myself that all last week Jordan and I would have been in Orlando on a long overdue vacation...sitting by the pool, visiting some theme parks, visiting with my grandma whom I haven't seen in 4 years. So many things that I would have loved to be doing last week but instead I was getting up at 4:30 every morning to come work at CRC, going home in the afternoons to work in the house, getting in bed late just to get up at 4:30 and start it all over again. I didn't want to be anywhere...I would have loved to just get in my car and drive till I ran out of gas. I didn't want to see the house. I didn't want to see the camper. I definitely didn't want to see CRC. I wanted a change of scenery; a break from the monotany. Jordan told me earlier last week that he was going to take me on a date Friday night. That was a relief and a break to look forward to. However, our "dates" consist of going out to dinner and catching a movie if they have anything decent and worth seeing. So Jordan calls me Friday morning and asks me what I want to do that night. I said, "I don't care but I don't want dinner and a movie." He says, "Oooh, you had to make it tough on me didn't you." I just stressed to him that I wanted to do something different. With so much going on in both of our lives we really haven't had any "us" time so that was another area that we really needed some TLC in. He calls me back a little bit later and asks what the earliest I can leave from work is b/c what he wants to do we would need to be there no later than 6pm our time. We would have a 2 1/2 hour drive so it was important for me to leave as soon as I could and that I would need to pack us an overnight bag. What could this be?? I left work around 2:15, rushed in and packed a bag and then we were off. As we drove I realized we would be heading to Chattanooga but I still had no clue where he was taking me. In my mind I am praying that he's not taking me to the Chattanooga aquarium but trying not to think of things I'd like to do so as not to be disappointed if that was not what we did. I like aquariums but they are so much more fun with kids. I just can't enjoy all the fish as much as enjoying the excitement on a kid's face as they experience the vastness of ocean life up close and personal. Fortunately, we passed by the aquarium and headed down towards the Tennessee River. He took me on the Southern Belle Riverboat!!!!!! We had a buffet style dinner with prime rib, veggies, rolls, herbed potatoes, salad and some other soup type stuff that I didn't eat. While dinner was being prepared we were able to go outside and stand on the bow of the boat as we headed up the river. The weather was perfect...not too hot and not chilly enough to need a light jacket. That perfect in between temp that just makes you feel snuggly! After we ate dinner we were able to go back outside and enjoy the view on our way back down the river. It was a total of about 3 hours and quite possibly the best 3 hours I've had in a LONG time! Jordan and I were able to talk about a lot of different stuff...quality time that we had not had in a while-no discussion of house construction or house budget. It was a very romantic and special time for both of us! After the boat ride we headed back into downtown Chattanooga to find a hotel to stay at for the night. We chose the Hilton Garden Inn...it was not very expensive at all!! It was worth it for the king size bed and large flat screen TV in the room. They had a big fluffy down comforter on the bed. I felt like I was in heaven...especially if you could see what we live in every day right now! A full size bed tucked up in a cubby hole and when you roll over you hit the wall beside you. Ugh! This was lavish and luxurious in comparison! We brought our bag in and decided we would stroll down the streets of Chattanooga. We wandered back down to the River and sat by a big fountain display. That was relaxing! Then we moseyed (sp?!) our way back towards the hotel. We detoured through the grounds of the aquarium and past some restaurants. We saw horse drawn carriage rides...Jordan said he wishes he had known they did that b/c he definitely would have planned that for us! Sweet! Could we afford this one night getaway? No! But we couldn't afford not to either. As our lives continue to be as busy as they are it will be mandatory and beneficial for us to have moments and weekends like this in order to keep our sanity and keep our marriage as strong and healthy as ever. We will definitely go back to Chattanooga and visit some other places there to see. How soon? I do not know; but when life seems a little too much and it seems difficult to make it through each day, I know the time will be drawing closer for another getaway. I'm thankful for a husband who dropped his schedule, his budget and his time to plan a special weekend away. He is the BEST and I love him so much more every day! Next month, October 11th through October 21st we will be in Kampala, Uganda establing a ministry headquarters for the Bishop. We are excited about returning and anticipate the Lord to do many awesome things while we are there! Please be in prayer for us during that time and I will post details when we return! Stay tuned to this blog in the mean time b/c there's no telling what's going on!!! Love you all!! And if you're reading my blogs...just post a comment so I know who's actually here! Thanks!!!

Thankful

Saturday, September 1, 2007 at 4:15 am I am awakened to my cell phone ringing. Odd that I receive a call so early on a Saturday morning but I answer it. My mom informs me that my brother, Johnny, has been in an accident and is being taken to the emergency room via ambulance. She has no details at that time but is on her way to the ER and will call me once she gets there to let me know how he is and the extent of his injuries.

Naturally, I could not go back to sleep and immediately spent that time waiting, in prayer. I did know that he had been somewhere he didn't need to be and was doing something he didn't need to be doing but when God has a plan for your life, you can run all you want but it can't change the plans He has for you.

About and hour and a half later mom called me back. Johnny was coherent and appeared to be fine. His upper lip was cut open on the inside from where he hit the steering wheel and he had several cuts, bruises and scrapes on his arms. The doctors were going to do a CT scan and X-rays to make sure there were no broken bones nor internal injuries. Results of that would be a little later.

In the meantime, the details of the accident go a little something like this according to the eye witness who made a statement to the police:

Johnny was driving on the interstate and passed this man. As he was passing the man looked over at Johnny and saw him slump over. He had fallen asleep at the wheel and apparently when he did, his foot became lead on the gas pedal. He accelerated and went off the interstate headon into a tree. The truck caught on fire upon impact but Johnny was still asleep/unconscious. The man ran down to the truck and knocked on the driver window trying to wake Johnny up. Johnny woke up *miraculously* and got his legs out from under the dashboard to kick out the driver side window. The engine was shoved into the cab of the truck. The gas pedal was shoved up to where the steering wheel was...the steering wheel broke off completely. The gang box that was in the bed of the truck collided into the cab of the truck. The whole truck basically folded up like an accordion.

CT scan and X-Rays came back clear. No other injuries! The first picture above is a view of the front of the truck. The passenger side sustained much more damage than what is pictured. The 2nd picture is a picture of the driver seat where Johnny sat. The 3rd picture is the extent of his injuries! Just a busted up lip, scrapes, bruises and a knick on his right knee cap where the gas pedal came up at. He is a walking miracle and I give God the glory for the angels He commissioned to protect him that morning. I am thankful for the man God sent on the interstate at that time of the morning who ran down and risked even his own life to try to wake Johnny up. If he had not been there I believe Johnny would have burned up and never known what happened. See, when God has a plan for you there is NOTHING the devil can do to stop it!!!!!

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY & PRAISE!!!!!!!!!!!